What a year! If you have been reading my blog for a while now, you know that this has been an incredible year for our family. There is so much that happened, with the birth of the babies, Owen's diagnosis of Escobar, the adjustment of 1 child to 3, Gavin's adjustment of being an only child to being the big brother of 2, appointments, appointments and more appointments, surgeries, good news, bad news, and our family grew closer than ever before.
I wouldn't change a minute.
Having a baby with special needs has brought Nick and I closer. It has also brought the 5 of us extremely close. Nothing is taken for granted and there isn't a day that Nick and I are not wondering how the dynamic of our family is affecting each one of us. We have learned to steal moments of time to appreciate each other, to hug and kiss, to tell Gavin we are proud of him, to be there for each other in support. And it's not like this all wasn't there before, it's just that now we have a reason to think about it, to do things deliberately so as to not damage anyone, to consider feelings more, to have concern for each other's stress levels. We have faced things that no one ever wants to face. We did it together.
There is no one on this earth that I could have gone through this with, except my husband. And we are still happy. We are proud of each other. We have done a good job in this last year. We have many years to go with this situation, but I honestly believe that none will be as hard as this first, even if the procedures become more complicated, the hospital time extended, the balancing act more strenuous. We will do it.
We love those little boys. All three of them. I cannot tell you how many smiles have been put on our faces since the babies have joined us. Gavin is an amazing big brother. Protecting, worrying, watching over and of course, working very hard to keep Caleb, who is walking, out of his room because "those are my toys." Owen is such a joy. Happy, loud, funny, smart and understanding. Owen is so forgiving for everything. And he works so hard. He used a spoon to eat ice cream. He rolls over and over and over. He scoots to get where he wants. He opens his hands completely. What milestones we have reached! Caleb is hysterical. He knows he is funny, he puts on a show and wants you to laugh. He is also the best to cuddle with. He loves to hug and kiss and lay on your chest. Caleb is also smart. Lots of people say that Owen will be the brains and Caleb the brawn. I say, don't count Caleb out. He is a bright little boy.
I will never forget the babies birth and the tears that fell on that day and the ones after. I will never forget the fear, lack of understanding and mourning for a healthy baby. Nor will I ever forget the happiness, the joy, the way our families and friends came together over the last year to show us they care and they are here to help. I learned to lean on people in this last year. I have never been good at that. I had to and I am glad I did. I am forever grateful to everyone.
What a year. Happy Birthday Owen and Caleb. We love you more than words can say!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Busy, busy, busy
Oh my dear blog, I think about you so. I mean to get on here more often. I want to write more often. I probably even need to write more often for my own mental health. But life is just so busy. It gets in the way.
Speaking of mental health. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about it lately. And we have made a few changes in our household. Changes that have made our life busier, but hopefully for the better. For one, Nick and I have one solid month of exercising down. We are in the midst of a competition. We compete weekly to see who exercises more. He wakes up at 4:45 and I wake up at 5:45 to do this. It seems crazy, but I have never slept better.
So far, in the month of March, I won 2 weeks, we tied 1 and he won 1. I exercised 25 out of 31 days and he exercised 21 out of 31. Not bad a bad start if you ask me. In addition, Nick is playing basketball on Wednesdays. I am doing Yoga on Monday (more on that later). Gavin is doing Cub Scouts on Thursdays and football on Saturdays.
It probably sounds crazy, adding all of these things into our already hectic life. But I think it really helps to work out some of the stress we have felt over this last year. I have wrote before about how we are always telling everyone that everything is fine. We are fine, Owen is fine, the kids are fine. And to some extent, it's true. We are fine. We are great sometimes, we are good sometimes and we are not at other times. We are happy and we are sad. We are adjusting still. One year later. (And don't think I have forgotten to write about babies birthday, I am just waiting until after their party this weekend!)
If you notice, all this busy is mostly physical activity. This is purposeful, because why would I ever add more to our life unless it was to help work out the stress. And it's working. We feel a little better. We sleep a little better. Life seems a little bit more like it belongs to us because we have things we are doing for ourselves.
Which brings me to Yoga. I went last night for the first time. A little place called Yoga Haven in Tuckahoe. The class started at 7:30 and ended at 9. It was hard. It was sweaty. It was great. A few times while we were going into what seemed like our 5th round of downward facing dog, into plank, into cobra, into table, find your lunge, find your breath, swing your leg back into the air... I found myself wondering if I had wandered into the advanced class and if this was a special kind of theraputic hell designed to twist me into submission. But then, it was time to lay on the floor and relax my forehead, eyes, jaw, shoulders, etc... and I realized, with an "ah ha" kind of moment, "this is why I am here." It felt great. My shoulders are loose. My legs, which have been taking a beating lately with all the walking, feel stretched and long again. My head, feels clear. I can't wait for next week.
And last but not least, the boys. Gavin is a cub scout. Or maybe it's a tiger scout at his age. But we joined and so far so good. Tomorrow night, I will get his uniform shirt and his badges and handbook. He feels it is very important to get the handbook. He starts football this weekend. Flag football. He is excited.
The babies are good. Everyone is relatively healthy this week. Owen went from 2 casts to 1 when they realized we are getting no improvement with his left foot. She was going to surgically correct it this month, has decided to wait since it would impact the VEPTR surgery. So she is going to correct his clubbed foot (please, let this be the last time!) and we are hopefully going forward with the VEPTRS in May. Caleb is walking. Just walking every where he wants. He is also tearing up my house. He touches, knocks over, pulls down, or messes EVERYTHING! On the one hand, its adorable to see him walking and waddeling and hugging my legs. On the other, a couple more months of stationary living would not have been so awful!
The twins birthday was March 31. Their party is this weekend. A circus theme. As soon as we are done with that, I will post about their birthday and my reflections on the year this has been.
Speaking of mental health. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about it lately. And we have made a few changes in our household. Changes that have made our life busier, but hopefully for the better. For one, Nick and I have one solid month of exercising down. We are in the midst of a competition. We compete weekly to see who exercises more. He wakes up at 4:45 and I wake up at 5:45 to do this. It seems crazy, but I have never slept better.
So far, in the month of March, I won 2 weeks, we tied 1 and he won 1. I exercised 25 out of 31 days and he exercised 21 out of 31. Not bad a bad start if you ask me. In addition, Nick is playing basketball on Wednesdays. I am doing Yoga on Monday (more on that later). Gavin is doing Cub Scouts on Thursdays and football on Saturdays.
It probably sounds crazy, adding all of these things into our already hectic life. But I think it really helps to work out some of the stress we have felt over this last year. I have wrote before about how we are always telling everyone that everything is fine. We are fine, Owen is fine, the kids are fine. And to some extent, it's true. We are fine. We are great sometimes, we are good sometimes and we are not at other times. We are happy and we are sad. We are adjusting still. One year later. (And don't think I have forgotten to write about babies birthday, I am just waiting until after their party this weekend!)
If you notice, all this busy is mostly physical activity. This is purposeful, because why would I ever add more to our life unless it was to help work out the stress. And it's working. We feel a little better. We sleep a little better. Life seems a little bit more like it belongs to us because we have things we are doing for ourselves.
Which brings me to Yoga. I went last night for the first time. A little place called Yoga Haven in Tuckahoe. The class started at 7:30 and ended at 9. It was hard. It was sweaty. It was great. A few times while we were going into what seemed like our 5th round of downward facing dog, into plank, into cobra, into table, find your lunge, find your breath, swing your leg back into the air... I found myself wondering if I had wandered into the advanced class and if this was a special kind of theraputic hell designed to twist me into submission. But then, it was time to lay on the floor and relax my forehead, eyes, jaw, shoulders, etc... and I realized, with an "ah ha" kind of moment, "this is why I am here." It felt great. My shoulders are loose. My legs, which have been taking a beating lately with all the walking, feel stretched and long again. My head, feels clear. I can't wait for next week.
And last but not least, the boys. Gavin is a cub scout. Or maybe it's a tiger scout at his age. But we joined and so far so good. Tomorrow night, I will get his uniform shirt and his badges and handbook. He feels it is very important to get the handbook. He starts football this weekend. Flag football. He is excited.
The babies are good. Everyone is relatively healthy this week. Owen went from 2 casts to 1 when they realized we are getting no improvement with his left foot. She was going to surgically correct it this month, has decided to wait since it would impact the VEPTR surgery. So she is going to correct his clubbed foot (please, let this be the last time!) and we are hopefully going forward with the VEPTRS in May. Caleb is walking. Just walking every where he wants. He is also tearing up my house. He touches, knocks over, pulls down, or messes EVERYTHING! On the one hand, its adorable to see him walking and waddeling and hugging my legs. On the other, a couple more months of stationary living would not have been so awful!
The twins birthday was March 31. Their party is this weekend. A circus theme. As soon as we are done with that, I will post about their birthday and my reflections on the year this has been.
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