The game changer

Owen is my game changer and my eye opener to how some people, including myself, live with children with special needs, or with ill children or even adults in similar situations for that matter. It changes everything. I once took for granted that all I had to worry about was whether I could pay my phone bill on time. I worried about all the "normal" things. Bills, work deadlines, keeping the house, so to speak. I thought I understood, being a mom and being a working mom, what stress was. I did not. My life was not stressful before. Even if I behaved as though it was because I had to work and juggle one child and deal with the house. I had no idea.

Now I worry about things like anesthesia. I worry about wheelchair access to our home. I worry about surgery and whether or not Owen will walk. I worry about his lungs. He has a runny nose right now with some congestion. If this moves into his chest, it could be a problem. I worry about medical bills and whether or not our insurance will cover it. I worry about medical appointments and how to fit them into my life as a working woman. I worry about making Owen gain weight.

And I worry about the normal things. The regular bills, work deadlines, if we have enough money for things. I worry about work and medical appointments. I worry about Caleb. I worry about Gavin. I just worry.

Part of that is my nature, the part that allowed me to worry about things like "keeping the house." The other part is now a real reality. I was reading my news feed on facebook. Every other post was from someone who I am now friends with because they have a special needs child with a condition similar to Owens. Between their updates there would be updates like "I can't decide what to have for lunch" or "FML, work sucks." I am not knocking those people. Work sucks and you don't know what to eat. Understandable situations. But now, what I read between those posts now are things about trach tubes, spine appointments, casts, and respiratory issues. And I realize that this was a game changer. Life went from 'I don't know what to cook for dinner' to casts, respiratory issues, and spine appointments. Not just for them, but for me too. I am one of them now. Owen is. We are as a family.

I am new to this. They have years under their belts. As I cried this week about Owen having to be put under and deal with all my fears regarding that and the "what if something goes wrong...", I realized that they have been through this a million times already. I felt sick the other day as we are discussing our upcoming surgeries and the order in which we will have them. We talk about Owens little body as if its a project or a puzzle to be done. I cried for Owen and all that he will go through. And their kids have already gone through it. The surgeries, the hospital stays, the recovery.

Life is different now. Seems so silly to have been such a worrier before. Seems like such a waste of time.