Its not easy to have a baby...

in general. People take for granted how easy it is to get pregnant and once you are pregnant, how easy it is for you to lose the baby. When I first started this blog, it was about our journey in having another baby. I had had two miscarriages in quick succession and I realized how little people spoke of such things. Besides my family (and Nicks mom and sister), I had one person I could talk to and I felt safe talking to her because I knew she had a miscarriage and no one else on this earth could imagine the pain. Plus, if you told people about the pregnancy, you feel a little like a freak of nature because one minute you were having a baby and your whole life, conversations, plans revolved around that and then one minute later...they don't anymore and everything has changed, even though nothing in life has changed except for this one humongous detail: you aren't pregnant anymore. You still go to work, you still run your errands, you still clean your house, talk to your friends, smile at the coffee lady but inside you are dying because you are not pregnant any more. And people do not know what to say and its understandable, but it hurts. You need space and time to grieve and time to cry and time to undo all those plans in your head. However, to the outside world, it was so early, so small, not a sure thing yet, these things happen, you can try again, you're young, you're healthy and medicine has come a long way, don't worry they can help you! And all you want, to your fullest extent capable, is that baby back now.

I am ok about my miscarriages but it took a long time to get here and the addition of the twins to my family. Ok meaning that I am no longer sad. If I think about it, it was a very sad time in my life. But I have gotten past it. I still feel a tug about knowing the second baby was a girl, but I have three sons and I believe I am supposed to be their mother and without the miscarriages, I would not be where I am today. Especially because of Owen. I am supposed to be Owens mom. I never thought then, as I went through them, that I would be here.

It does strike me as odd that as much as we do not talk about miscarriages openly (or some of us don't, apparently I do now) EVERYONE I know (you know) has a story. If not their mother, aunt, grandmother, then their best friend, their sister or themself. I am almost in shock at how often the topic crosses my path. In my personal life and in work. From friends and family to clients who potentially have a case stemming from or as a result of a miscarriage. It feels so incredibly common, yet people are hurting and hiding and not supporting one another through it because its so uncomfortable to talk about. Miscarriage is not taboo. It happens all the time. For genetic reasons, for health related reasons, for absolutely no reason.

Additionally, and especially for those who have tried to get pregnant, lost a pregnancy and then went through the agony of trying to get pregnant again without success or with success after much effort, its so hard to have a baby! Not for everyone of course. Lots of people concieve without even trying (I know this from experience). Kids get pregnant, people get pregnant and don't even know it. We have reality TV shows about it (Teen Mom and I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant). However, lots of people try and try and use ovulation kits, trackers, basal temperature tracking, etc... to chase that egg down and attempt to successfully fertilize it by making your husband have sex with you on various days of various months on end. Yep, I did all of the above. And its not easy. It takes concentration, calculation, perserverance and the extremely powerful want for a baby. Others have it tougher than that: IVF, medications, surrogates, adoption. It is so hard. I feel like those of us who have gone through these things should write a self-help book. A guide to dealing with the inability to easily procreate, even though everyone in the world says and makes it look so easy and natural. Ha, this would be followed by my book: NO BREASTFEEDING ISN'T EASY, NATURAL OR FUN. (I have nothing against breastfeeding, I just did it for 4 months with twins. I am just saying its hard.)

Anyway, I guess thats long enough up on my soap box! Just something I have been thinking about.