I could not help but feel excited when Gavin woke up for school this morning. He was excited and almost different. Maybe bigger. He came down his loft bed in his new "night before the first day of school" pajamas and he seemed all grown up. He asked how long he had to wait before we left. An hour. He did not want to watch cartoons. He wanted to eat breakfast, wash up and play with his brothers. We had picked his clothes out last night and he was ready. He has his new bookbag packed and his lunch in order. We discussed grown up things, like whether he would need a water bottle so he wouldn't be thirsty all day and how many flash cards he had to practice when he got home today. Only 6 words today, which apparently is okay, because if it were "like twenty, I would be mad." Again, he seemed grown up.
We walked hand-in-hand to his school and he was assessing the playground from afar. Many days over the summer he asked me if he was allowed to play there yet. And for the first time, today I could say yes. We entered the building and now I had first day jitters, for its my first day too. My first day for my boy being in first grade. My first day of leaving him at a new school. My first day for leaving him in public school. I went to public schools all my life. They seemed normal. Not huge, not daunting, not anything but the norm. However, Gavin has attended Catholic school for the last two and half years. One pre-K class, one kindergarten, one of every grade. So this seemed huge to me. There were just so many kids.
We found our way to the playground which was crawling with kids of all ages and he wouldn't let me go. I think he wanted me to play on the jungle gym too. But eventually he left my side in favor of the rock climbing apparatus. He never took his eyes off of me. I searched the place for a familiar face and I could not find one. I felt myself tearing up. Its too big. There are so many kids. What if he doesn't make friends, what if he feels lost. I imagine, he will. When you are as cute as Gavin and you have been in a tiny school with one of each grade, there is not a day where the 6th, 7th and 8th grade girls are not fawning over you. Now there are 6 first grade classes, you are bigger and you have started loosing teeth. Needless to say, its going to be a little different.
Eventually, I noticed people were starting to wander to the four corners of the playground. Thankfully a woman walked up to me and said, "Uh-oh, you look lost." I laughed and asked where Ms. Nasti was (yes, that is her name) and was pointed in the right direction. Gavin and I both had sweaty palms (I'd like to say his was from nerves and mine was from holding his hand, but I would probably be lying) as I brought him to line up with his class. I looked around one more time and saw a neighbor and then another, and thought to myself, now we are part of our community. I kissed my baby boy, who is getting all grown up and walked out of the playground, hoping for him that the first day of first grade is an amazing one.
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