Stop that train and farewell queso, I loved you so.

All we have done is eat in the last few weeks. We have been to family functions, friends homes, parties, and gatherings. We have hosted one or two of these and all we do is eat. For example, Friday night we went to a Halloween party. We ate. Saturday, we went to Madisons 7th birthday party. Again more eating. Yesterday, we went my cousins home with my sisters and my cousins and all the significant others. We ate and ate and ate. In the last three days, I personally can say, I have eaten brownies, mozzarella sticks, cookies, pie, cake, cheese, cheese, cheese, dip, crackers, bread, more cheese. Hot cheese, cold cheese. Throw in some olives, roasted peppers and a few veggies for good measure and I am stuffed. Now add to that the beer, wine and champagne mixers that were oh so delicious, and well I feel gluttonous. I feel disgusting. I don't usually tell anyone when I am going on a "diet". Failure looms too close. I don't want to show up at family parties or the holidays and have people looking at my plate trying to determine if I have fallen off the wagon. I don't want to have to explain that I ate salad all week, I swear I did, so I am entitled to this full plate of cookies! But I woke up yesterday morning, I looked down at a belly that I have not had in 12 years, put on pants that are a size that I have not worn in 12 years and I almost lost my shit. I feel horrendous. Yes, yes, I know, I just had twins, and a c-section, and I have no time, and I have this whole new life on my hands, and.... I get it. I currently have every excuse in the book to drown my sorrows in food. And I have been, I assure you. But this life isn't getting any different anytime soon, so I have to stop now or else this will get out of control.

I have never been small and my struggles with my weight have been life long. When I was younger I weighed a lot. When I was in college, I weighed one hundred pounds less than I did at 17. It took years to lose 100 lbs. I had to change what I ate, I had to drink water for a living. I had to give up cheese. If you don't understand my love affair with cheese, please see the above paragraph and what I ate for the last 3 days. Eventually, I had to exercise. And it wasn't fun, but I remember thinking that once I got used to it, it wasn't the hardest thing I had ever done. Now one happy relationship, two kids, control over my own fridge and having such a passion for cooking has left me watching the scale climb back up that steep mountain.

Its time for a change. And maybe the blog will help me. Perhaps telling all of you that I am going to make some food changes and that I am going stop this train before it becomes a train wreck will help me stay motivated. I need motivation. We are going into the holiday season now. It starts with a milky way on October 31 and it ends in gravy smothered mashed potatoes in December. I need to get control.

If you have ideas (short of "stop eating" because we all know that isn't going to work) please feel free to comment. I am sadly giving up cheese for the most part. With the exception of feta, parmesan and cottage cheese, I am bidding adieu. I realize that using mozzarella as a way to cure my woes, is not only not working, but its making me more miserable.

Good-bye mozzarella, my salty, melty, stringy friend. One day I will know how to consume you in moderation. Until then, I must never taste you.

Good-bye American cheese. You are the only grilled cheese I love. I will miss our hot buttery sandwiches on picnic night. It will never be the same.

Good-bye provolone (picante of course), you, some roasted peppers, shredded lettuce and tomato on a roll covered in italian dressing. Perfection. However, I no longer can do this. What you have single handedly done to my ass, is just wrong.

Anyway, besides giving up the cheese, I am living on lettuce. Not really, but if I can eat a big, but interesting salad every day for lunch with a small cup of some sort of bean or vegetable soup, then I will have had a healthy and satisfying lunch. By interesting, I do not mean covered in bacon bits and ranch, I mean veggies and nuts and I will make my own dressing devoid of mayonnaise. Yogurt and fruit for breakfast or Kashi cereal with milk and berries. And hello splenda and fat free half and half.

Dinners are my real issue. I am a vegetarian. Nick is not, although he is willing to eat very little meat, he does need chicken and fish and so do the babies. I need vegetarian friendly, low fat, meat-eater satisfying meals that can be done quickly! Ha, I think I just asked for the impossible! If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. I am willing to try anything.

In addition, I am working on my "party plan". A way to fill my plate with the healthy stuff and not go back for the cheese, dips and desserts. A plan to take just one and have that be satisfying. Again, tips and advice are welcome.

I am done for now, but I will be back to update my life with lettuce!