at an alarming rate. They are 6 months old now (6mo, 1wk) and its going too fast. Maybe I am panicking because these are quite possibly my last children. Not definitely, but after the last few years, its safe to say they are my last for a good while. And they are rushing things! I have been looking at them over the last few days and they are big. Not only are they big, but they are doing stuff. Just minutes ago, they would curl up on my chest and nap. They were warm and sweet and exhaustion took over their little bodies and they would sleep for hours on me. Now, we fight to get them to sleep. We rock, bop, dip and twist them into sleep. We negotiate. We take little hands out of little mouths and put pacifiers in to do just that, pacify them. And they no longer sit still. Even Owen (which honestly is good news, but still, can't someone stay a baby?). If I left Caleb on any piece of furniture, it would be gross negligence on my part. And just this morning, I took for granted that I could leave Owen and there he was trying to roll himself off the couch. They want to go somewhere. I want them to stay still. Or for time to stay still. Soon their toothless grins will be littered with little white teeth sprouting up. I love them without teeth. Never again will you find a toothless grin so endearing. The next time you see it on a person, they are generally fairly old and its not so cute. Same for drool. And I realize that this all makes me sad. Gavin is a couple months shy of 6 and it snuck up on me. How dare he grow up? And why is the natural progression of things such that children become less affectionate with time? Gavin loves me to death, but is annoyed when I want to hug for more than a split second. Although, this morning and some mornings when he crawls in bed with me after his dad gets up to shower, I pretend to sleep and he snuggles up like he is little and plays with my hair. If he knew I was awake, he wouldn't do it or would ask me to get up and get him something, so this works out well.
I love all the next stages that the babies will go through. I don't mean to say that I don't like teeth, or eating cheerios off of a high chair tray or those first steps. I love those too. But I wish time would take its time. I wish that I could guarantee all of these memories or moments would be imprinted on my brain.
I remember wishing I was older all my life. I couldn't wait to be a big kid and now I am watching my own kids feel that way. I hear my parents telling me to slow down, enjoy where you are now and I pressed on. I wish I could tell my boys that in hindsight, I wish I slowed down. Not for me, but for my parents who were probably wishing it wasn't going so fast.
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