This first year of being a special needs mom is, for lack of a better word, crazy. Add twins to the mix and its insane. Add one well-meaning, high-energy, bright, attention-requiring 5 year old and I am thinking we have reached certifiable. Now add lawyer, wife, sister, daughter, friend and dog owner and I am pretty sure I can hear the sirens of the truck coming to take me off to the looney bin. One straight-jacket please. I welcome some time in a padded room! Seriously.
I have spent a lot of time lately trying to figure out how to balance all of these things and try to find some time for myself. I don't do anything for me anymore. Not a pedicure, not walking, not Saturday afternoon naps. I don't have time and when I do, there are other things that are more important. And yes, I could probably skip the cleaning one Saturday, but when Caleb is chewing on a mouthful of dog hair because I did not clean, someone is going to look at me like I am a bad mother and I would prefer not to deal with that. Not to mention, I am short on patience, so when that disapproving look crosses that persons face, I am bound to go off.
So back to balance. Seeing as I have never been so busy in my life, I would like to have some of this. Time management at its best. I hate to reduce life to appointments in my calendar, but it seems its necessary. That's how I make it to all of our appointments, my court appearances, our social engagements. So now I need to figure out how to pencil in some "me" time and since I am feeling self-indulgent, some "Nick and Sara" time too. Our social worker agrees. She has even requested that Nick and I receive "respit" from Early Intervention. Time where they pay someone to watch our children so that we can get a break and get out of the house. We just need to find the person. The brave soul who wants to watch all three of them, for whatever hourly wage the county is paying.
Its so easy to get lost in this new life. To let go of everything that I like to do and want to do because I am needed by my kids, my disabled son, my husband, my job. So I think, I will pencil me in. And when we find out more about the "respit" situation, I will pencil us in. I will make and keep appointments for me and us to have time to do some of the things that we need to do for ourselves. I think its impossible to have balance otherwise and to feel like a human.
Sara, I swear everything you write sounds just like I am writing it! I'm not going to tell you that it gets easier, but you will get better at managing it. The best advice I can give you is find times to laugh even when it seems inappropriate. Reading your post about leaving Owen on the couch thinking he won't go anywhere was something Nick and I have laughed about in the past. We said if we ever had a "typical" child, we'd be in the ER so much because we always just left Reece on the bed, couch, etc. Even now, I laugh because Reece's form of punishment at the moment is time-out. He can't go from sitting to standing by himself, so he has no choice but to sit. It works though! I mean, how cruel do I sound? I just wanted to let you know that I've been where you are, and I can tell you that you are going to be so much stronger because of this. Hang in there and know we Escobar mommies are here for you! Lots of hugs!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Beth! I just saw this today. I appreciate your words. All of you guys have given me so much strength! Thank you!
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