Three weeks has flown. I cannot believe how big they are getting! Caleb is a whopping 7lbs and 11 oz which is up one pound from two weeks ago. Owen is 6lbs 5oz and thats up a pound as well. They both have little double chins and their cheeks are full. Caleb has little rolls around his neck. Its too cute. Caleb loves to stretch like crazy, always trying to sleep with his hands over his head. Caleb is so much like Gavin as a baby, it amazes me. I feel like I am doing Gavin all over again with a little more patience and a lot more knowledge. Owen is working on trying to keep his pacifier in his mouth by holding his little fist to it and sometimes he hooks his thumb in and pulls it out. We have worked on stretching Owen all week and already see differences (which the therapist have noticed as well). His hands are much more loose, his arms can be raised over his head and brought down to his waist and he moves more. In addition, we nicknamed Owen "bean" when he was about a week old because he was shaped like a kidney bean. We called Caleb string bean because he is long and lean. But now Owen is a lot less like a kidney bean, and a lot more string bean like, which is great. He really is loosening up.
We had appointments all week. Tuesday was casting and therapy. I finally got to touch Owens legs and feet. Usually, once the casts are off, we wrap Owen up so he is not cold and the docs all touch his legs and feet, but Nick and I haven't really. So this week we made a point to touch him and rub his little legs and feet. He can move his legs and while his ankles and knees seem to be his tightest joints, we are hopeful that after the casting is done, we will be able to acheive more range of motion. The doctor wants to cast a few more times and then give Owen a "casting vacation" so we can do therapy and see if we can do just that. I am glad he will get a little break and I can't wait to give him a real bath.
After casting, we had an introduction to occupational therapy. Owen had these little molds made to open his hands. They are made of a rubber substance that is similar to silly putty but hardens. It seems remarkable, but already his hands are more open.
Last week, after Owens first PT appointment, Nick and I met a young lady with Arthrogryposis. I forgot to write or maybe I wasn't ready to write about it at the time because it was hard for us. It was also good for us. What hit us first and it was a sucker punch, was the wheelchair. She can walk but its for exercise. She can walk a hallway. Otherwise, she is in her wheelchair. She can use her hands to use the controls on the wheelchair and she can use her hands for things like doing her hair. She told me she cannot open her hands all the way on her own. She has scoliosis and is about to have her first back surgery to correct it. She had clubbed feet and went through the casting/surgery/brace process. She told me that she does not get scared anymore about surgery because she is used to it. In addition, and maybe more importantly, she is smart, she is looking at colleges, she goes to therapy on her own, she wanted to come meet us and Owen. All of those positive thoughts were thoughts we were able to have once we processed all of her limitations in our minds. We know that Owen may be in a wheelchair. We know there is a good chance. I don't want to discount that he also may be able to walk, but the wheelchair is the thing we will need to get used to. Anyway, we saw her again this week and she came to say hi and it was good. It was a normal conversation for us and I felt no emotions about what can, will or could be.
Wednesday brought on more appointments. Weight checks at the pediatrician followed by a very long, in depth appointment with the Physiatrist. She is a medical doctor that specializes in rehabilitation and she has worked with many children who have Arthrogryposis. She took a very detailed history and then made many suggestions for us. She will basically oversee his rehabilitative care. She made suggestions, we are to follow up with all of them and she will see us in 3-4 months to assess his needs. She currently feels the PT/OT schedule coupled with early interventions PT/OT is enough for now coupled with the casting and splinting of his hands. However, in a few months, we may need speech therapy, feeding therapy, more PT, and more OT. Now, Owen is not doing much, so the stretching and exercise is fine. But when Owen starts to make noise or needs tummy time, thats when he will require different and more creative therapy. We also have to see the eye doctor, ear nose and throat doctor and eventually, when he has his first foot surgery, will have to see if they can take a piece of muscle for testing. At the end of the appointment, we were tired and feeling overwhelmed, both by the new appointments we have to make and by the potential issues that each of these new doctors could present us with. We are just keeping our fingers crossed that there is nothing more to add to the laundry list of things wrong.
Friday was another casting appointment which was not scheduled but the pedi ortho called us at 9am and asked if we could come for another cast at 11:00am. I said yes. I was confused about why we were going for a second cast in a week but when we got there the doc said she spoke with her colleagues and they felt that Owen could benefit from casting as much as two times daily. I am sure when she said that, my face was priceless, because she was quick to say "don't worry, we won't do it twice a day...however, we will do it Friday, Monday, Tuesday and we will see if we need it Wednesday and Thursday." What can I say? As much as I don't want to have daily appointments in Manhattan, I want to do everything we possibly can for Owen, so if he needs casts everyday, we will do it.
Next week appointments consist of the above casting schedule, the hernia appointment with the surgeon, their one month pediatrician appointment, OT/PT and our early intervention evaluation with the physiatrist for early intervention at Blithedale Hospital. A busy week!
In other news, today is soccer for Gavin and last week he won his game and made a goal! He also helped a little girl up off the field during the game like the little gentleman he is. Grandma Mary Anne is here and has been since Tuesday being a great help and coming to appointments and hanging with these boys. Grandpa Joe came last night and has met and held his new grandsons today. Its been great to have them around. Nick and I are going to dinner tonight for the first time in a long time, alone and I can eat garlic again! I imagine Nick is going to order sauteed garlic with a side of steamed garlic and candied garlic for dessert. Tomorrow Gavin and I are having a date. I am taking him to a Lego exhibition and I think he will love it. I am looking forward to just spending time with him like we used to.
Last thing I want to say is that with this schedule and the twins being a handful to say the least, many people have text messaged us, emailed, wrote on facebook or called. In my head, I see or hear these things and say I will respond in an hour or when I get a minute and then by the time I get a chance to do something, I take a shower or vacuum. So if you have wrote or called and we have not gotten back to you, I am so sorry. We love you and appreciate the messages. We know you are thinking of us and don't think we are not thinking of you. Its just crazy right now. Thank you for all of the support. We need it, we want it and we appreciate it.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The end of a long week of appointments....
Our second week of appointments is complete. We finally have 3 days of uninterrupted staying home. No trips into Manhattan, no traffic, no waiting rooms and no anxiety. I find myself really looking forward to this point in the week.
This week we had a hip ultrasound for Caleb on Tuesday. They wanted to check him to make sure his hips were not dislocated as well because they are twins and because Caleb was breech as well. Caleb was so good during the ultrasound (and mostly because he was pooping, but I will take it where I can get it) and thank God, his hips are fine.
The hip ultrasound for Caleb was followed by Owens third round of casts. We thought Owen would be getting his first real bath and we brought the camera and were all ready, but due to his belly button (a tiny piece had not fallen off) he had to have it buzzed off. He is such a good baby. He gets a little upset at the noise, but if we touch his face and head and give him the pacifier, he calms immediately. They buzzed off his casts and we were able to get a good look at his feet. Both Nick and I felt that there was good progress. I think the doctors are used to more progress, because they debated casting him again or waiting two weeks to allow us to do physical therapy to help stretch him. Because Nick and I saw a real difference, they casted him again. The foot that is called a vertical tallus or rockerbottom, was so different. When he was born, Nick described Owens foot as looking like his leg met his foot in the middle of his foot. Imagine an upside down T. Then picture his little round heel being in the middle of that upside down T. Now, his heel was far more towards the back of his foot and it looked like there was more foot in the front where it belongs. His clubbed foot is really severe. We saw some improvement where his toes were, with his toe nails up on the top of his foot instead of his foot being completely upside down. I felt like the docs were a little disappointed with the stiffness of his feet, but we feel like any improvement is good. We are not disillusioned, he will eventually need surgery, but the more conservative we can be with the treatment, the better we feel.
During the clubfoot appointment, we had our first hour of PT. Efi, our physical therapist seems great. She came down and moved Owen. One of the biggest challenges (so far) as his parents, is that we are a little afraid to move him. On the one hand they tell us, not to be afraid and on the other they tell us that he has not moved his bones in 7-8 months and that he is fragile. So we don't want to hurt him. But to see Efi moving his arms and stretching his knees a little, opening his hands up and turning his head, was great. He liked moving. He would cry a little but as soon as he was a little stretched, he looked at peace. I did some exercises with him today and Nick will do more tonight and we both feel good because we feel like we are helping him.
The only downfall about Tuesday is that we were at appointments from 9am and we got home at 7pm. It was a crazy day and it makes it hard to stick to the pumping, feeding schedule we are working on with the lactation consultant.
Wednesday brought more appointments. First, we had Owens hearing test. I am not thrilled to say that he did not pass. He then was given an inner ear test and he did not pass that either. So we have to go to a specialist and have another test done. I know he can hear out of the left ear and I know he can hear me. When I would walk into the the NICU and talk, he would immediately look for me. Now, when I speak to him, he looks for me. So, I am not sure if this is something that will resolve itself or not, but I hope it does. All we hear from the docs, as kind of a consolation prize is how smart "these" kids are. I don't need to start worrying about whether he will be able to communicate or have speech problems. We have the next hearing test on May 10.
Later that day, we had a hip ultrasound for Owen. As they told us from the beginning, his hips are dislocated. His left hip is completely out of the socket and his right is partially in and partially out. The radiologist kept saying "his hip is out of the socket for now" as if this could or would change. I asked him if that was possible and he told me it would be one of the goals. I am not sure how its possible since no one has mentioned it as of yet, but I will ask at next weeks cast appointment.
I had my own appointment today and I have to say, I love my OB/GYN, Dr. Amy Huang. She is just amazing. Throughout my hospital stay, she would come to my room when she was on rounds, sometimes at 3am to check on me. She would sit with me and talk about Owen and everything and hold my hand. She is amazing and I really appreciate all she did for us and her bedside manor during this whole experience.
Next weeks appointments include: early intervention, casting, physical therapy, occupational therapy for night splints for Owens hands, pediatrician and an appointment with the head of rehabilitation for the Children's Center at the Hospital for Joint Diseases who will oversee Owens OT and PT.
Besides the schedule of appointments, we are good. We look at Owen and he is so cute and so sweet and we look at Caleb and he is so cute and sweet and we are happy. We have good and bad days, crying, anger and the whole spectrum of emotions, but its OK. Gavin is great. Back to school and that is a great thing. Structure is Gavin's friend. He started playing soccer last week and he likes it. He is going to see How to Train a Dragon tomorrow with Nick and he is excited about that. He loves his brothers and kisses them 100 times a day. All in all, we feel we are doing everything we can for all of the boys.
I will update again next week! For now, we are just going to enjoy the weekend!
This week we had a hip ultrasound for Caleb on Tuesday. They wanted to check him to make sure his hips were not dislocated as well because they are twins and because Caleb was breech as well. Caleb was so good during the ultrasound (and mostly because he was pooping, but I will take it where I can get it) and thank God, his hips are fine.
The hip ultrasound for Caleb was followed by Owens third round of casts. We thought Owen would be getting his first real bath and we brought the camera and were all ready, but due to his belly button (a tiny piece had not fallen off) he had to have it buzzed off. He is such a good baby. He gets a little upset at the noise, but if we touch his face and head and give him the pacifier, he calms immediately. They buzzed off his casts and we were able to get a good look at his feet. Both Nick and I felt that there was good progress. I think the doctors are used to more progress, because they debated casting him again or waiting two weeks to allow us to do physical therapy to help stretch him. Because Nick and I saw a real difference, they casted him again. The foot that is called a vertical tallus or rockerbottom, was so different. When he was born, Nick described Owens foot as looking like his leg met his foot in the middle of his foot. Imagine an upside down T. Then picture his little round heel being in the middle of that upside down T. Now, his heel was far more towards the back of his foot and it looked like there was more foot in the front where it belongs. His clubbed foot is really severe. We saw some improvement where his toes were, with his toe nails up on the top of his foot instead of his foot being completely upside down. I felt like the docs were a little disappointed with the stiffness of his feet, but we feel like any improvement is good. We are not disillusioned, he will eventually need surgery, but the more conservative we can be with the treatment, the better we feel.
During the clubfoot appointment, we had our first hour of PT. Efi, our physical therapist seems great. She came down and moved Owen. One of the biggest challenges (so far) as his parents, is that we are a little afraid to move him. On the one hand they tell us, not to be afraid and on the other they tell us that he has not moved his bones in 7-8 months and that he is fragile. So we don't want to hurt him. But to see Efi moving his arms and stretching his knees a little, opening his hands up and turning his head, was great. He liked moving. He would cry a little but as soon as he was a little stretched, he looked at peace. I did some exercises with him today and Nick will do more tonight and we both feel good because we feel like we are helping him.
The only downfall about Tuesday is that we were at appointments from 9am and we got home at 7pm. It was a crazy day and it makes it hard to stick to the pumping, feeding schedule we are working on with the lactation consultant.
Wednesday brought more appointments. First, we had Owens hearing test. I am not thrilled to say that he did not pass. He then was given an inner ear test and he did not pass that either. So we have to go to a specialist and have another test done. I know he can hear out of the left ear and I know he can hear me. When I would walk into the the NICU and talk, he would immediately look for me. Now, when I speak to him, he looks for me. So, I am not sure if this is something that will resolve itself or not, but I hope it does. All we hear from the docs, as kind of a consolation prize is how smart "these" kids are. I don't need to start worrying about whether he will be able to communicate or have speech problems. We have the next hearing test on May 10.
Later that day, we had a hip ultrasound for Owen. As they told us from the beginning, his hips are dislocated. His left hip is completely out of the socket and his right is partially in and partially out. The radiologist kept saying "his hip is out of the socket for now" as if this could or would change. I asked him if that was possible and he told me it would be one of the goals. I am not sure how its possible since no one has mentioned it as of yet, but I will ask at next weeks cast appointment.
I had my own appointment today and I have to say, I love my OB/GYN, Dr. Amy Huang. She is just amazing. Throughout my hospital stay, she would come to my room when she was on rounds, sometimes at 3am to check on me. She would sit with me and talk about Owen and everything and hold my hand. She is amazing and I really appreciate all she did for us and her bedside manor during this whole experience.
Next weeks appointments include: early intervention, casting, physical therapy, occupational therapy for night splints for Owens hands, pediatrician and an appointment with the head of rehabilitation for the Children's Center at the Hospital for Joint Diseases who will oversee Owens OT and PT.
Besides the schedule of appointments, we are good. We look at Owen and he is so cute and so sweet and we look at Caleb and he is so cute and sweet and we are happy. We have good and bad days, crying, anger and the whole spectrum of emotions, but its OK. Gavin is great. Back to school and that is a great thing. Structure is Gavin's friend. He started playing soccer last week and he likes it. He is going to see How to Train a Dragon tomorrow with Nick and he is excited about that. He loves his brothers and kisses them 100 times a day. All in all, we feel we are doing everything we can for all of the boys.
I will update again next week! For now, we are just going to enjoy the weekend!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Welcome to the world Owen and Caleb! Their birth story.
What a crazy week and a half! We had our twins! Owen made his entrance to the world- via c-section on March 31, 2010 at 2:11pm weighing in at 5lbs and 0oz. Caleb came one minute behind at 2:12, weighing in at 6lbs 14oz. First, I want to say, I could not be more in love. I thought I loved Gavin to capacity. I even worried I would not be able to love these two as much as I love him, because I did not know it was possible to have so much love. But then they arrived and I think my heart tripled in size.
Things did not exactly go as planned though. When we delivered Owen, he wasn't crying. I knew immediately that something was wrong. I actually knew months ago, without really knowing. I told Nick one night before we fell asleep that I thought something was wrong with Owen beyond one clubbed foot. It was just a feeling, but I knew and said to Nick that I would probably be worried until he was delivered and the pediatrician alleviated my fears. That did not happen. He came out and I kept asking why I could not hear my baby. Caleb was screaming his head off. Eventually I heard these tiny cries, comparable to mews from a kitten. I asked that someone tell me what was going on. Nick had a worried look on his face and all he could say, as he watched the pediatricians look at Owen, that something was wrong, but he could not tell what. Eventually the news came in dribbles. His neck is too thick. He cannot bend his joints. His hands are curled. He has marks on his face. He has difficulty breathing. He has two clubbed feet. He has a very curved spine. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Caleb was fine. I just wanted to see my babies. They would not let me see Owen. He was whisked away to the NICU. They brought Caleb over and let me kiss his face. I looked at my beautiful baby and I felt scared. Scared for his brother, scared for what was happening. I wanted to be happy but felt like the joy of giving birth to two babies had been taken from me.
I went to recovery and we were able to hold and I was able to nurse Caleb which made all of us feel a little better. News regarding Owen again started to come. The neonatologist came in and explained a few things- he was on a breathing tube and breathing ok finally. The geneticist was looking at him. The pediatric orthopedist was going to look at him. My Ob/Gyn said what he has is so rare that most of them did not know what it was. The geneticist soon came. He said Owen has Arthrogryposis which can be genetic or not. He said his joints are contracted and cannot really bend. He wanted to run tests. We consented. Now we had to wait for everyone to finish with Owen to get a better picture of what was going on. I got to hold him that night after I delivered at 10pm. They wheeled me down and I took one look at my crunched up baby holding his hands closed and all limbs bent and I cried on his head. I kissed him and hugged him and told him mommy loves him, but I could not wrap my mind around all of it. I felt terrible he was alone in the NICU and I had Caleb in the room, that he was not nursing, that he had all these issues. I felt like it was my fault. My bad genes. My lack of space in my womb for him.
The following day was better. Owen was taken off the breathing tube and feeding tube and was breathing on his own and eating via bottle. I could visit him more and more often and soon enough I had a schedule down where I would feed Caleb, put him in the nursery if someone wasn't around or even if Nick was, so we could both visit, go attempt to nurse Owen and hang out with him, then leave, pick up Caleb and go back to the room for a while. I did that every three hours for all Owens feedings except one a night so I could get one small chunk of sleep.
Over the last week we have learned a ton about Owen and at the same time, still feel completely in the dark. They think our son has Escobar Syndrome. A rare genetic disorder that causes scoliosis and arthrogryposis which causes clubfoot and rockerbottom foot, and dislocated hips, all of which Owen has. Arthrogryposis is basically a description of symptoms. The symptoms being joint contractures. Owens knees, elbows and fingers are all tightly contracted. He has good range of motion in some areas like his shoulders and bad in others, like his elbows. For the clubfoot and rockerbottom foot which is also refered to as a vertical tallus, he has been casted twice now. He has casts which cover his feet, with the exception of the tips of his toes all the way up to the top of his thigh. His feet are severe so we are casting for approximately one month to see if we get results and if we don't we have to discuss other options. I am keeping my fingers crossed, as I would like to avoid surgery as much as possible. In the interim, we have contacted early intervention for OT and PT for his upper extremeties, met with his new geneticist for testing and to help us manage his care, are calling for an appointment PT doc who has dedicated her life to the rehabilitation of kids with disorders like this who won't treat him but will give him the necessary prescriptions for the course of PT he should get and for the necessary splints and braces he should have to help open his little hands. We have appointments for MRIs this week to get a better look at his hips and Calebs hips too just to make sure his are not dislocated because he was breech, an appointment for new casts for the week, and will get an apppintment for the spine center to talk about what we can be doing for the scoliosis. It looks as though we will be spending lots of time at appointments and with doctors. We are assembling our "team" of docs now and attempting to get a schedule for the therapies and various things we need to do. And at this time, Caleb is just along for the ride with his brother. Lucky for us, he seems to love his car seat, the stroller and sleeping while we are out and about, so its been easy carting them both around.
The GOOD NEWS is that none of this has affected his major organs. His echo, brain scan, kidneys, liver etc... are all normal so far. So we are very hopeful that this is all orthopedic and will require tons of work on our part and Owens but that with therapies, braces, casts, exercises, hopefully minimal surgery, and lots of determination on all of our parts, we will overcome or at least improve the majority of these conditions. We hope. Which is all we can do right now, in addition to all of the abovementioned appointments.
We are so thankful for the support and help that we have gotten thus far from our families and friends. Not only have people come to stay, come to visit, come to give us a break, cooked food, watched Gavin and helped clean, we have gotten tons of emails and calls of support and offers and well wishes. So thank you to everyone. You are really helping to keep Nick and I sane and we cannot tell you how much we appreciate it all!
Things did not exactly go as planned though. When we delivered Owen, he wasn't crying. I knew immediately that something was wrong. I actually knew months ago, without really knowing. I told Nick one night before we fell asleep that I thought something was wrong with Owen beyond one clubbed foot. It was just a feeling, but I knew and said to Nick that I would probably be worried until he was delivered and the pediatrician alleviated my fears. That did not happen. He came out and I kept asking why I could not hear my baby. Caleb was screaming his head off. Eventually I heard these tiny cries, comparable to mews from a kitten. I asked that someone tell me what was going on. Nick had a worried look on his face and all he could say, as he watched the pediatricians look at Owen, that something was wrong, but he could not tell what. Eventually the news came in dribbles. His neck is too thick. He cannot bend his joints. His hands are curled. He has marks on his face. He has difficulty breathing. He has two clubbed feet. He has a very curved spine. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Caleb was fine. I just wanted to see my babies. They would not let me see Owen. He was whisked away to the NICU. They brought Caleb over and let me kiss his face. I looked at my beautiful baby and I felt scared. Scared for his brother, scared for what was happening. I wanted to be happy but felt like the joy of giving birth to two babies had been taken from me.
I went to recovery and we were able to hold and I was able to nurse Caleb which made all of us feel a little better. News regarding Owen again started to come. The neonatologist came in and explained a few things- he was on a breathing tube and breathing ok finally. The geneticist was looking at him. The pediatric orthopedist was going to look at him. My Ob/Gyn said what he has is so rare that most of them did not know what it was. The geneticist soon came. He said Owen has Arthrogryposis which can be genetic or not. He said his joints are contracted and cannot really bend. He wanted to run tests. We consented. Now we had to wait for everyone to finish with Owen to get a better picture of what was going on. I got to hold him that night after I delivered at 10pm. They wheeled me down and I took one look at my crunched up baby holding his hands closed and all limbs bent and I cried on his head. I kissed him and hugged him and told him mommy loves him, but I could not wrap my mind around all of it. I felt terrible he was alone in the NICU and I had Caleb in the room, that he was not nursing, that he had all these issues. I felt like it was my fault. My bad genes. My lack of space in my womb for him.
The following day was better. Owen was taken off the breathing tube and feeding tube and was breathing on his own and eating via bottle. I could visit him more and more often and soon enough I had a schedule down where I would feed Caleb, put him in the nursery if someone wasn't around or even if Nick was, so we could both visit, go attempt to nurse Owen and hang out with him, then leave, pick up Caleb and go back to the room for a while. I did that every three hours for all Owens feedings except one a night so I could get one small chunk of sleep.
Over the last week we have learned a ton about Owen and at the same time, still feel completely in the dark. They think our son has Escobar Syndrome. A rare genetic disorder that causes scoliosis and arthrogryposis which causes clubfoot and rockerbottom foot, and dislocated hips, all of which Owen has. Arthrogryposis is basically a description of symptoms. The symptoms being joint contractures. Owens knees, elbows and fingers are all tightly contracted. He has good range of motion in some areas like his shoulders and bad in others, like his elbows. For the clubfoot and rockerbottom foot which is also refered to as a vertical tallus, he has been casted twice now. He has casts which cover his feet, with the exception of the tips of his toes all the way up to the top of his thigh. His feet are severe so we are casting for approximately one month to see if we get results and if we don't we have to discuss other options. I am keeping my fingers crossed, as I would like to avoid surgery as much as possible. In the interim, we have contacted early intervention for OT and PT for his upper extremeties, met with his new geneticist for testing and to help us manage his care, are calling for an appointment PT doc who has dedicated her life to the rehabilitation of kids with disorders like this who won't treat him but will give him the necessary prescriptions for the course of PT he should get and for the necessary splints and braces he should have to help open his little hands. We have appointments for MRIs this week to get a better look at his hips and Calebs hips too just to make sure his are not dislocated because he was breech, an appointment for new casts for the week, and will get an apppintment for the spine center to talk about what we can be doing for the scoliosis. It looks as though we will be spending lots of time at appointments and with doctors. We are assembling our "team" of docs now and attempting to get a schedule for the therapies and various things we need to do. And at this time, Caleb is just along for the ride with his brother. Lucky for us, he seems to love his car seat, the stroller and sleeping while we are out and about, so its been easy carting them both around.
The GOOD NEWS is that none of this has affected his major organs. His echo, brain scan, kidneys, liver etc... are all normal so far. So we are very hopeful that this is all orthopedic and will require tons of work on our part and Owens but that with therapies, braces, casts, exercises, hopefully minimal surgery, and lots of determination on all of our parts, we will overcome or at least improve the majority of these conditions. We hope. Which is all we can do right now, in addition to all of the abovementioned appointments.
We are so thankful for the support and help that we have gotten thus far from our families and friends. Not only have people come to stay, come to visit, come to give us a break, cooked food, watched Gavin and helped clean, we have gotten tons of emails and calls of support and offers and well wishes. So thank you to everyone. You are really helping to keep Nick and I sane and we cannot tell you how much we appreciate it all!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Our last night as parents of just one.
I can't believe it but tonight is our last night as the parents of one child. Tomorrow at 1:30 we go from parents of one to parents of three! I am nervous and scared and excited. I cannot wait for the surgery to be over and to be holding my little boys. Today flew. I tried to have a relaxing day, but it went so fast. We had last minute chores to do, laundry, grocery delivery, and some bill paying. Now since we have picked Gavin up from school, it feels like the night is flying. Soon it will be his bedtime. I wish I could get him to hold still for a minute and give me the hugs and kisses I want, but he just doesn't see why he needs to hold still. I just want to savor my last hours as just Gavins' mom. But the energy of a 5 year old and the donut I let him have afterschool as a treat, wins out and I am left begging for kisses!
I wish I knew what tomorrow was going to bring, besides two new additions. I wish I knew if Owen (my twin with the clubfoot) was ok in every other way. I wish I knew if the c-section was going to hurt. I wish I knew if the twins would enjoy sleeping like their mama. I wish I knew if Gavin is going to be over the moon about them.
Tomorrow I become the mom of three boys, two of which are twins. I feel like I am embarking on a journey, one crazy journey. I can't wait to see what life brings us next!
I wish I knew what tomorrow was going to bring, besides two new additions. I wish I knew if Owen (my twin with the clubfoot) was ok in every other way. I wish I knew if the c-section was going to hurt. I wish I knew if the twins would enjoy sleeping like their mama. I wish I knew if Gavin is going to be over the moon about them.
Tomorrow I become the mom of three boys, two of which are twins. I feel like I am embarking on a journey, one crazy journey. I can't wait to see what life brings us next!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Maternity leave has begun!
From today at 3:30 until August 2, 2010, I am off from work for maternity leave. Now it feels like 4 months will take an eternity. I am sure once the twins are here it will fly. I am looking forward to having a good portion of the summer off. I think it will be great to be home with Gavin and the twins and have that time to spend together as a family. Nick is off for most of the month of August so that is great too. We both will get lots of quality time with the kids. It will be broke time, but quality time. I plan to frequent my moms pool and get a park pass for Westchester County so I can take him to the kid pools and parks. We will do a lot of walking. A lot of playing in the backyard and a fair amount of sitting in the A/C. G can ride his bike a lot while I push Caleb and Owen around in the stroller. By July, the babies will be 3 months and easier and more fun. I remember by 3 months with Gavin, I felt like I mildly knew what I was doing when it came to him. I wonder if there is a learning curve with twins. At some point in there, we will hire a babysitter and hopfully she will help out too. Between taking Gavin out or keeping the twins so I can take him to a movie or something, it will be helpful. I hope we find someone soon. We are supposed to meet with a couple of people this weekend, so maybe we will like some of them. And then I have another project...decorate the basement! I am looking forward to that. I am going to scour the craigslist free section and hopefully get some good finds. I need a couch, tables, dresser or wardrobe. I will buy couch covers and new bedding for the full size futon we have. I eventually will need a queen size bed for when the family comes to visit. I want a fresh coat of white on everything. I have rugs to put down there and a shower curtain and mats. So with a little help from craigslist, I can furnish the place and the live-in nanny will feel at home. A trip to the Christmas tree shop will get me dishes and glasses for down there and we are all set. All in all, I am looking forward to the summer!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Nostalgic for summer vacations past...
I woke up today thinking a lot about Rhode Island. When we were kids we rented a house every year in Charlestown, RI. It wasn't on the beach, but it was only 5-10 minutes away and it was within walking distance of a little inlet or bay area that we used to walk to at night.
Today I find myself missing everything Rhode Island or at least what Rhode Island means to me. I am pregnant so I think its fairly normal that the first thing I thought about was the warm, cheese danishes from the Charlestown Mini Mart. Maybe you don't think you would find the most amazing cheese danish you ever had at a mini mart, but you are mistaken. They make them fresh in the morning and you literally have to get there early, like 6-7am and wait in line to purchase them. They are phenomanal and luckily I have always had a father that was awake at around 5am, so we were guaranteed to get some.
I also remember perfectly, the house that we rented and its familiar smells as we unpacked for our week and sometimes two weeks each summer. The wood stairs brought you upstairs in the house to the kitchen, living, dining room area which had this almost 70's yellow and cream tile that was covered in sun spots near each of the sliding deck doors that led to a huge wrap around deck complete with hammocks and plenty of seating areas. I learned to iron on that deck one year. There wasn't an ironing board and my dad taught me how to iron on the deck rail on top of a towel. Ha, thankfully, I have since forgotten how and now my husband does it.
I remember my sisters and I spent many nights sitting watching black and white Elvis movies on the small TV in the livingroom because there was no cable. This of course was after we would walk or drive down to the Tropic Frost, which was named Anderson's when we were very young, for some of their homemade ice cream. We would sit and eat our cone at the picnic tables on the side before we started our trek home.
Misquamicut beach was the beach we frequented as kids because there was a boardwalk and lots of stores to occupy us when we would eventually want to go home. My dad could live on a beach and now both Carla and Alyson could too. I am a little more like my mom, I get sun poisoning and need an umbrella after a while. However, mom and dad or as we got older, the three of us girls would walk down to the board walk area and get soft coffee ice cream cones and explore the stores. It would buy my dad another hour or two at the beach where he would sleep as he turned black.
Another beach memory I have is of my parents listening to Bob Marley or Peter Tosh on the little radio we brought every year while playing scrabble. In the early years my dad would sport a speedo and my mom a string bikini. They were young and so were we. Thankfully, our father got out of that habit as we got older and more embarrased! There are whole Bob Marley albums that remind me of the beach and my parents.
On our way to the beach we would stop at the corner deli, which is not really on a corner at all. We would order our sandwiches topped with the best creamy italian dressing we have ever had. The dressing is so popular that in a recent trip to the Corner Deli, the owner would not give me extra dressing, despite me asking for it and offering to pay for it, as it was almost time to close down for the season and he needed to get through the day with what he had. I wasn't thrilled. Anyway, us girls would always get IBC rootbeers in the dark brown glass bottles. If it wasn't for the dressing we probably would have gone elsewhere, but we can't find it anywhere else!
At night we would go to the nearby towns. In Narragansett, we wandered the stores and walked along the wall next to the ocean. In Watch Hill, we rode the old fashioned carousel with the rings and ate ice cream sitting on the wall next to the bay. For as long as I can remember I always walked to the back parking lot behind the carousel and would stand at the chain link fence and watch the lighthouse spin its light into the water for the boats.
When we needed a break from the beach, mom and dad would take us to the Umbrella Factory which is a collection of stores on a dirt pathway through gardens that ranged from art to antiques. Back then and this could be accurate now, there was the reggae store (Small Axe) where you could buy jamaican things including music which my parents loved. There was a store where there was nothing but toys, old fashioned candy and stationary where us girls could browse for the day. And oddly enough there free roaming peacocks and sheep you could feed for a quarter. For some reason, I hated the Umbrella Factory as a kid and would protest our trip there, however, to this day, I cannot figure out why. Most likely, I wanted to spend a quiet afternoon on the couch with a Babysitter Club book!
And I remember Theatre by the Sea. Where my parents would drop us kids off for an afternoon of theatre, usually involving puppets, while I believed they were going off to spend the day at the nude beach, which I coined the "n" beach early in life. We were appalled and did not want to go to Theatre by the Sea, but we were not going to sit on the bathing suit side of the fence while our parents bared it all on the "n" beach. So the theatre it was!
Lastly, there was Daddy's Bread. The only place I have ever been that runs a business on the honor system. You pull up to this little white house and walk in the front door. There are bakers racks of fresh baked bread and a note that basically tells you, you are being trusted to put the money in a hole cut out of a desk. There is a book left for you to sign and tell them where you are from if you would like. Each year we would go and get a couple of loaves and eat them for breakfast over our week there. I always wondered if anyone was dishonorable while there and I always worried that if they could not hear our dollars dropping into the hole, would they think it was us? In any event, we enjoyed every bite of that bread.
Today I miss Rhode Island. I would like one day to take my growing family there for a week to a house we find, close to the beach and recreate for my kids all the things I loved when I was kid.
Today I find myself missing everything Rhode Island or at least what Rhode Island means to me. I am pregnant so I think its fairly normal that the first thing I thought about was the warm, cheese danishes from the Charlestown Mini Mart. Maybe you don't think you would find the most amazing cheese danish you ever had at a mini mart, but you are mistaken. They make them fresh in the morning and you literally have to get there early, like 6-7am and wait in line to purchase them. They are phenomanal and luckily I have always had a father that was awake at around 5am, so we were guaranteed to get some.
I also remember perfectly, the house that we rented and its familiar smells as we unpacked for our week and sometimes two weeks each summer. The wood stairs brought you upstairs in the house to the kitchen, living, dining room area which had this almost 70's yellow and cream tile that was covered in sun spots near each of the sliding deck doors that led to a huge wrap around deck complete with hammocks and plenty of seating areas. I learned to iron on that deck one year. There wasn't an ironing board and my dad taught me how to iron on the deck rail on top of a towel. Ha, thankfully, I have since forgotten how and now my husband does it.
I remember my sisters and I spent many nights sitting watching black and white Elvis movies on the small TV in the livingroom because there was no cable. This of course was after we would walk or drive down to the Tropic Frost, which was named Anderson's when we were very young, for some of their homemade ice cream. We would sit and eat our cone at the picnic tables on the side before we started our trek home.
Misquamicut beach was the beach we frequented as kids because there was a boardwalk and lots of stores to occupy us when we would eventually want to go home. My dad could live on a beach and now both Carla and Alyson could too. I am a little more like my mom, I get sun poisoning and need an umbrella after a while. However, mom and dad or as we got older, the three of us girls would walk down to the board walk area and get soft coffee ice cream cones and explore the stores. It would buy my dad another hour or two at the beach where he would sleep as he turned black.
Another beach memory I have is of my parents listening to Bob Marley or Peter Tosh on the little radio we brought every year while playing scrabble. In the early years my dad would sport a speedo and my mom a string bikini. They were young and so were we. Thankfully, our father got out of that habit as we got older and more embarrased! There are whole Bob Marley albums that remind me of the beach and my parents.
On our way to the beach we would stop at the corner deli, which is not really on a corner at all. We would order our sandwiches topped with the best creamy italian dressing we have ever had. The dressing is so popular that in a recent trip to the Corner Deli, the owner would not give me extra dressing, despite me asking for it and offering to pay for it, as it was almost time to close down for the season and he needed to get through the day with what he had. I wasn't thrilled. Anyway, us girls would always get IBC rootbeers in the dark brown glass bottles. If it wasn't for the dressing we probably would have gone elsewhere, but we can't find it anywhere else!
At night we would go to the nearby towns. In Narragansett, we wandered the stores and walked along the wall next to the ocean. In Watch Hill, we rode the old fashioned carousel with the rings and ate ice cream sitting on the wall next to the bay. For as long as I can remember I always walked to the back parking lot behind the carousel and would stand at the chain link fence and watch the lighthouse spin its light into the water for the boats.
When we needed a break from the beach, mom and dad would take us to the Umbrella Factory which is a collection of stores on a dirt pathway through gardens that ranged from art to antiques. Back then and this could be accurate now, there was the reggae store (Small Axe) where you could buy jamaican things including music which my parents loved. There was a store where there was nothing but toys, old fashioned candy and stationary where us girls could browse for the day. And oddly enough there free roaming peacocks and sheep you could feed for a quarter. For some reason, I hated the Umbrella Factory as a kid and would protest our trip there, however, to this day, I cannot figure out why. Most likely, I wanted to spend a quiet afternoon on the couch with a Babysitter Club book!
And I remember Theatre by the Sea. Where my parents would drop us kids off for an afternoon of theatre, usually involving puppets, while I believed they were going off to spend the day at the nude beach, which I coined the "n" beach early in life. We were appalled and did not want to go to Theatre by the Sea, but we were not going to sit on the bathing suit side of the fence while our parents bared it all on the "n" beach. So the theatre it was!
Lastly, there was Daddy's Bread. The only place I have ever been that runs a business on the honor system. You pull up to this little white house and walk in the front door. There are bakers racks of fresh baked bread and a note that basically tells you, you are being trusted to put the money in a hole cut out of a desk. There is a book left for you to sign and tell them where you are from if you would like. Each year we would go and get a couple of loaves and eat them for breakfast over our week there. I always wondered if anyone was dishonorable while there and I always worried that if they could not hear our dollars dropping into the hole, would they think it was us? In any event, we enjoyed every bite of that bread.
Today I miss Rhode Island. I would like one day to take my growing family there for a week to a house we find, close to the beach and recreate for my kids all the things I loved when I was kid.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
20 days and counting....
Ah, this is the second time I am going to write this post and it better post this time! Anyway, 20 days and counting. Our boys will be born on March 31, 2010 via c-section. I am scared. Of the c-section, of the recovery and mostly of having three kids. Most parents get to ease into three. Have one, have two, toss the idea around and have three. Not us. We go from one to three in mere minutes. It still seems a little surreal. And I know that there are many joys to come, however, I am scared. I realize that sometime in the next 20 days, I will have to put my big girl panties on and get over this fear. But for now, I have a lot on my mind. Sleepless nights, clubfoot, countless doctor appointments, two babies crying at once, trying to breastfeed two, Gavin gaining two brothers and losing the undivided attention of two parents, the poor dog and what place in the family she takes while all of this is going on and the sleepless nights. What? It deserves a second mention. I also cannot wait. 20 days seems so soon and yet, each day takes an eternity to pass. I can't wait to hold them, smell them, watch them sleep (please God, let them sleep), watch Gavin become a big brother, to become closer as a family because of them and us going through this experience together. I love them so much already. I am going to miss this pregnancy. My pregnancy with Gavin was so hard that I could not wait to get him out and be done. But this is different, maybe because there is two in there, maybe because a twin pregnancy doesn't happen everyday, or maybe because I finally got to benefit from that pregnancy glow and shiny hair! I don't know. However, I do know that there are 20 days left of Nick, Sara, Gavin and Lola. It makes me a little sad. We are a tight unit. I know we will just be a bigger, tighter unit, but this is all I have known for a long time. Now only 20 days until we meet Caleb Collins Sedey and Owen Collins Sedey.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
My first appointment with the Pediatric Orthopedist...
What a day yesterday was. I got up, which that in and of itself is a miracle these days what with the current hip, back and leg pain. Oh and the pressure. I get ready for work, get Gavin ready for school, we leave and do our morning routine which consists of driving to school while chatting about various subjects. It happened to be birds and nests. Gavin thinks we should name all the birds we see and try to keep track of them so we know where they are. I will keep you updated on how that goes! Anyway, I drop him off and head to work.
My first appointment with the pediatric orthopedist at the NY Center for Clubfoot at Hospital for Joint Disease is at 1pm. I leave my office at 12:15. I arrive on time or even a few minutes early. I sign my name on the sign in sheet and I am number 8 on the list. I do not know the relevance of this yet, but oh do I find out! I sit next to a tired looking couple with twin girls! The babies are so teensy. I suddenly feel so overwhelmed by looking at this couple. I feel like I already know what they are going through and in reality, I have no idea yet. I feel relieved because the other doctors I spoke to have told me that clubfoot is common in twins, but I did not really believe them and not for any reason, but I felt like they were trying to calm my fears. Anyway, I am in this waiting room with many babies, probably about 6. There are also 8 children there ranging from 2 years old to 12 years old. I find myself staring at all the kids feet and I cannot see one thing wrong with them. They all wear different shoes and no one seems to have a gait problem. There are a couple of teenagers or young adults that have visable issues and I wonder to myself, if they had early intervention.
I watch as the babies are called to the back. The twins are gone and I wanted to follow them. I wanted to watch their appointment and endlessly bombard them with questions. Instead, prior to their leaving the waiting room, I asked how old they were and asked if anyone was sleeping in their house. They are 11 days old and no, no one is sleeping. So I left them alone. I sit and wait. And sit and wait and sit and wait. I hear the receptionist saying tha two people were just squeezed in and did not have appointments, but they needed casts so they took them. She apologizes to no one in particular and maybe to herself for the craziness of the day. I am hot and I feel my cheeks are burning. I am hungry and I am thirsty. I sit for two hours and when I am on the verge of a mental breakdown (mostly due to the fact that the woman next to me has been singing the theme song to Bonanza for literally 1 hour straight to her granddaughter) they call my name. They made a mistake. I should have been called first so I could watch the appointments. They are sorry. I am upset, but what can I do. I am not coming back on a different day. There is only so much I can take.
I meet the doctor. I like her. She is clearly in a rush. She doesn't want to discourage me from asking all my questions and I do, faster than I would like, but I get them out. She wants me to meet the twin parents and the parents who have a baby who is on his second cast. I do go in the rooms. I see the casted babies. I ask a few questions. I am so exhausted at this point that I am not even sure what I want to know. Mostly, I ask how the baby did, how the baby slept after, if they thought the babies were in pain.
As I leave, I feel overwhelmed still. I feel like every Tuesday I will be in a mad dash to hurry up and get my name on the list early. I will be there for a long time. I feel like I have no idea how I could possible ever bring the two babies by myself. Tuesdays will be hectic and we will be tired and it will be a long day. I feel fine about the doctors capabilities, but I felt fine about those after I researched them to no end.
In the end, I am not sure I feel any better than I did before I went to the appointment, but its all certainly more real. I am glad I met the doctor, saw the office and have already learned that if you are not number one on the waiting list, you will make your life hell. I suppose, that information alone is invaluable!
My first appointment with the pediatric orthopedist at the NY Center for Clubfoot at Hospital for Joint Disease is at 1pm. I leave my office at 12:15. I arrive on time or even a few minutes early. I sign my name on the sign in sheet and I am number 8 on the list. I do not know the relevance of this yet, but oh do I find out! I sit next to a tired looking couple with twin girls! The babies are so teensy. I suddenly feel so overwhelmed by looking at this couple. I feel like I already know what they are going through and in reality, I have no idea yet. I feel relieved because the other doctors I spoke to have told me that clubfoot is common in twins, but I did not really believe them and not for any reason, but I felt like they were trying to calm my fears. Anyway, I am in this waiting room with many babies, probably about 6. There are also 8 children there ranging from 2 years old to 12 years old. I find myself staring at all the kids feet and I cannot see one thing wrong with them. They all wear different shoes and no one seems to have a gait problem. There are a couple of teenagers or young adults that have visable issues and I wonder to myself, if they had early intervention.
I watch as the babies are called to the back. The twins are gone and I wanted to follow them. I wanted to watch their appointment and endlessly bombard them with questions. Instead, prior to their leaving the waiting room, I asked how old they were and asked if anyone was sleeping in their house. They are 11 days old and no, no one is sleeping. So I left them alone. I sit and wait. And sit and wait and sit and wait. I hear the receptionist saying tha two people were just squeezed in and did not have appointments, but they needed casts so they took them. She apologizes to no one in particular and maybe to herself for the craziness of the day. I am hot and I feel my cheeks are burning. I am hungry and I am thirsty. I sit for two hours and when I am on the verge of a mental breakdown (mostly due to the fact that the woman next to me has been singing the theme song to Bonanza for literally 1 hour straight to her granddaughter) they call my name. They made a mistake. I should have been called first so I could watch the appointments. They are sorry. I am upset, but what can I do. I am not coming back on a different day. There is only so much I can take.
I meet the doctor. I like her. She is clearly in a rush. She doesn't want to discourage me from asking all my questions and I do, faster than I would like, but I get them out. She wants me to meet the twin parents and the parents who have a baby who is on his second cast. I do go in the rooms. I see the casted babies. I ask a few questions. I am so exhausted at this point that I am not even sure what I want to know. Mostly, I ask how the baby did, how the baby slept after, if they thought the babies were in pain.
As I leave, I feel overwhelmed still. I feel like every Tuesday I will be in a mad dash to hurry up and get my name on the list early. I will be there for a long time. I feel like I have no idea how I could possible ever bring the two babies by myself. Tuesdays will be hectic and we will be tired and it will be a long day. I feel fine about the doctors capabilities, but I felt fine about those after I researched them to no end.
In the end, I am not sure I feel any better than I did before I went to the appointment, but its all certainly more real. I am glad I met the doctor, saw the office and have already learned that if you are not number one on the waiting list, you will make your life hell. I suppose, that information alone is invaluable!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Spring brings new...
At the end of every winter I tend to get a little ornery and generally cranky. I usually discover this when I am complaining to Sara about some deficiency in our lives, "How come we haven't been on a vacation by ourselves in almost 10 years...I need to put about $1500 in my car...How come we're always struggling...I wish we had the money to go skiiing," and on and on. At this point Sara usually points out that I always feel this way at this time of year, and that spring will be here soon, and we will be able to get outside and do some of the stuff that is inexpensive but brings us happiness.
One of the things I like most in the warmer months is my little garden. People are always surprised and amused by my interest in plants and the natural world, particularly within the confines of a city. To me its a natural outgrowth of a life spent living in the city, but valuing the natural world and the time my family spent outside. I call this urban ecology. This year I've been reading Four-Season Harvest by Eliot Coleman. This is a great book about how to lengthen the growing season to the point that you can get fresh vegetables out of your garden all year long, even in a climate like New York. My favorite thing about this book is that it uses logical, simple, and inexpensive methods to maximize the amount of fresh vegetables you can grow all year long. With a combination of composting, cold protection, choosing realistic winter crops, and working within existing natural systems I think I can produce fresh vegetables all year long.
In thinking about this, it has occurred to me that there are ramifications across our lives if this becomes a reality. I want to make sure that we have balance. I believe in moderation in all things. If you wanna eat bad, great, but make sure you go play some ball. If If you want to drink a few beers, great, but you probably shouldn't do it everyday. Conversely, if you want to eat healthy, great, do it, but it doesn't make you morally superior, and you should loosen up sometimes. All this to say: We generally eat healthy food, but it will involve doing some things differently. For instance, we will have to figure out how to make use of leeks and endive, vegetables that will grow in the winter, but we have no real tradition of eating or cooking, and figure out how to incorporate them in our daily diet. Another adustment will be the care for the garden, instead of working outside for a few months of the year, it will be a less intense burst but more constant type of work. I think it will be a great thing for the family to do together. I love the fact that my son will pick up a shovel and think of it as a fun time to spend an hour shoveling snow with his dad.
We'll have to see how this goes, adding twins to a family doesn't seem to leave much time for urban agriculture, but I hope that if we set realistic goals it will happen. I'm going to start by re-invigorating my composting system and building a cold frame out of some scrap lumber I have laying around and scavenged old windows.
Who knows when I'll get on the blog again, but hopefully I'll have something to add soon, and if all goes well, next February I won't be complaing about my life. But, to be honest, I don't know if I'll have time to complain a year from now.
-Nick
One of the things I like most in the warmer months is my little garden. People are always surprised and amused by my interest in plants and the natural world, particularly within the confines of a city. To me its a natural outgrowth of a life spent living in the city, but valuing the natural world and the time my family spent outside. I call this urban ecology. This year I've been reading Four-Season Harvest by Eliot Coleman. This is a great book about how to lengthen the growing season to the point that you can get fresh vegetables out of your garden all year long, even in a climate like New York. My favorite thing about this book is that it uses logical, simple, and inexpensive methods to maximize the amount of fresh vegetables you can grow all year long. With a combination of composting, cold protection, choosing realistic winter crops, and working within existing natural systems I think I can produce fresh vegetables all year long.
In thinking about this, it has occurred to me that there are ramifications across our lives if this becomes a reality. I want to make sure that we have balance. I believe in moderation in all things. If you wanna eat bad, great, but make sure you go play some ball. If If you want to drink a few beers, great, but you probably shouldn't do it everyday. Conversely, if you want to eat healthy, great, do it, but it doesn't make you morally superior, and you should loosen up sometimes. All this to say: We generally eat healthy food, but it will involve doing some things differently. For instance, we will have to figure out how to make use of leeks and endive, vegetables that will grow in the winter, but we have no real tradition of eating or cooking, and figure out how to incorporate them in our daily diet. Another adustment will be the care for the garden, instead of working outside for a few months of the year, it will be a less intense burst but more constant type of work. I think it will be a great thing for the family to do together. I love the fact that my son will pick up a shovel and think of it as a fun time to spend an hour shoveling snow with his dad.
We'll have to see how this goes, adding twins to a family doesn't seem to leave much time for urban agriculture, but I hope that if we set realistic goals it will happen. I'm going to start by re-invigorating my composting system and building a cold frame out of some scrap lumber I have laying around and scavenged old windows.
Who knows when I'll get on the blog again, but hopefully I'll have something to add soon, and if all goes well, next February I won't be complaing about my life. But, to be honest, I don't know if I'll have time to complain a year from now.
-Nick
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
What I now know about Clubfoot
We got our in-utero diagnosis of baby A having a clubfoot for the first time on December 3, 2009. After all we had been through with the miscarriages and then the beginning of this pregnancy with baby B having less fluid and a smaller sac and no one expecting him to make it really (except me- I just knew he would) I was dying to get through our level II ultrasound with no problems. Ha. I asked 200 questions during that ultrasound. I was anxious to know the sex of the babies, but moreso I was anxious to know if everyones brain looked alright and their kidneys and their stomachs. And all of those were fine. Then the radiologist came in and I thought we were done. I will never forget the feeling when he turned and said "we think there is something you should know." Then he told us that he thought baby A had a clubfoot and that it could potentially be related to other genetic defects, like Down Syndrome or Spina bifida. I tried so hard not to cry. But by the time I was waiting for the lady to make my follow up appointment, I was in tears. I did not want to tell anyone and I just wanted the whole thing to go away. It did not help that we could not get a good view of baby A's heart so we had no idea if there were other genetic defects or not.
The following three weeks went by in a blur. It was getting close to Christmas and we had last minute things to do. I refused to speak with a genetic counselor. I had previously done that when we received genetic testing and it just scared me. We weren't going to terminate and I have a sister with Downs so I just wanted to concentrate on Christmas and making life as happy as I could for Gavin and for us.
Our follow-up appointment was December 24, 2009. I expected to hear that his foot was still affected and it was. The radiologist was cold and almost argumentative with Nick who is never really argumentative with anyone. The radiologist walked in and all he said was, yep, at your last appointment we told you your baby might have a clubfoot and I am telling you now, he definitely does. Nick was asking what made the diagnosis definitive and what made this appointment different than the last and the radiologist kept replying that now he definitely has a clubfoot. All he wanted to know was how they knew for sure now and did not know for sure 3 weeks prior. Needless to say, I wanted out of there fast. We were told the baby would need to have a fetal echocardiogram and it just so happened that the pediatric cardiologist that we were being referred to could see us that day. He did and both of the babies hearts looked great and normal. What a sigh of relief on Christmas eve!
Once Christmas was over, I could begin my frantic research about clubfoot. I first spoke with moms on the clubfoot support board on babycenter.com. I was told about a Yahoo group called nosrugeryforclubfoot, which I joined as well. Immediately, I found that moms and dads of children with clubfoot are so supportive. It made me feel better immediately and I was able to ask questions and get an idea of where to begin. I was informed that the current method of treatment was started by Dr. Ignacio Ponseti in Iowa and it consists of a series of casts that basically adjusts the babys foot a little a time until a satisfactory level of correction has been reached. These casts are done over a 9-12 week period and thereafter the childs feet are immediately placed in braces to make sure that the correction stays and a relapse does not occur. The braces are worn for 3-4 months for 23 hours per day and thereafter the baby is weened off the braces during his awake hours but will continue to wear the brace during sleep until 3-4 or potentially 5.
The cause of clubfoot is not really known although it is thought to be due to genetics or the environment. I initially thought that the environment meant occurrences that happened outside of the pregnancy- like taking medication or having had a drink prior to knowing I was pregnant, since both of these things took place and I am having a child with clubfoot. However, I have since been told by at least one pediatric orthopedist that environment refers to the womb and whether or not the baby has space or is pressed up against the mother's uterus. I have also learned that in boys that have one clubbed foot or unilateral clubfoot with no other genetic markers, the cause is usually not genetics. However bilateral clubfoot and clubfoot in girls more often means that it stems from genetics.
I learned that over the history of treatment for clubfoot there have been many trends. From casting to surgery. Dr. Ponseti is not the first doctor to cast. However, he is the first to cast in this method with this series of casts. Current trends seek to avoid surgery as much as possible and if necessary, parents hope only for an in-office tenotomy with no general anethesia. We hope the same.
Our first appointment with who we hope to be our pediatric orthopedist is Tuesday March 2. We will be attending our meet and greet with the doctor as well as seeing the clubfoot clinic at Hospital for Joint Disease in NYC. We will see all different stages of casting and braces on many different children and have the opportunity to meet and speak with the parents of these kids. I think it will be a learning experience and hopefully will ease some of our fears regarding what is coming. I will keep you posted!
The following three weeks went by in a blur. It was getting close to Christmas and we had last minute things to do. I refused to speak with a genetic counselor. I had previously done that when we received genetic testing and it just scared me. We weren't going to terminate and I have a sister with Downs so I just wanted to concentrate on Christmas and making life as happy as I could for Gavin and for us.
Our follow-up appointment was December 24, 2009. I expected to hear that his foot was still affected and it was. The radiologist was cold and almost argumentative with Nick who is never really argumentative with anyone. The radiologist walked in and all he said was, yep, at your last appointment we told you your baby might have a clubfoot and I am telling you now, he definitely does. Nick was asking what made the diagnosis definitive and what made this appointment different than the last and the radiologist kept replying that now he definitely has a clubfoot. All he wanted to know was how they knew for sure now and did not know for sure 3 weeks prior. Needless to say, I wanted out of there fast. We were told the baby would need to have a fetal echocardiogram and it just so happened that the pediatric cardiologist that we were being referred to could see us that day. He did and both of the babies hearts looked great and normal. What a sigh of relief on Christmas eve!
Once Christmas was over, I could begin my frantic research about clubfoot. I first spoke with moms on the clubfoot support board on babycenter.com. I was told about a Yahoo group called nosrugeryforclubfoot, which I joined as well. Immediately, I found that moms and dads of children with clubfoot are so supportive. It made me feel better immediately and I was able to ask questions and get an idea of where to begin. I was informed that the current method of treatment was started by Dr. Ignacio Ponseti in Iowa and it consists of a series of casts that basically adjusts the babys foot a little a time until a satisfactory level of correction has been reached. These casts are done over a 9-12 week period and thereafter the childs feet are immediately placed in braces to make sure that the correction stays and a relapse does not occur. The braces are worn for 3-4 months for 23 hours per day and thereafter the baby is weened off the braces during his awake hours but will continue to wear the brace during sleep until 3-4 or potentially 5.
The cause of clubfoot is not really known although it is thought to be due to genetics or the environment. I initially thought that the environment meant occurrences that happened outside of the pregnancy- like taking medication or having had a drink prior to knowing I was pregnant, since both of these things took place and I am having a child with clubfoot. However, I have since been told by at least one pediatric orthopedist that environment refers to the womb and whether or not the baby has space or is pressed up against the mother's uterus. I have also learned that in boys that have one clubbed foot or unilateral clubfoot with no other genetic markers, the cause is usually not genetics. However bilateral clubfoot and clubfoot in girls more often means that it stems from genetics.
I learned that over the history of treatment for clubfoot there have been many trends. From casting to surgery. Dr. Ponseti is not the first doctor to cast. However, he is the first to cast in this method with this series of casts. Current trends seek to avoid surgery as much as possible and if necessary, parents hope only for an in-office tenotomy with no general anethesia. We hope the same.
Our first appointment with who we hope to be our pediatric orthopedist is Tuesday March 2. We will be attending our meet and greet with the doctor as well as seeing the clubfoot clinic at Hospital for Joint Disease in NYC. We will see all different stages of casting and braces on many different children and have the opportunity to meet and speak with the parents of these kids. I think it will be a learning experience and hopefully will ease some of our fears regarding what is coming. I will keep you posted!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Picnic night tonight
Sometimes its very rewarding to have created something in your life that not only makes things easier on you, but seems so special to your child. I think back over Gavins life and the first thing that I thought of (which is not new to anyone but him) was "soda-juice". A combination of seltzer and 100% juice that totally satisfied his "need" for soda because, he simply thought he was getting it. Even at 5, soda juice is a good thing. Currently, there is picnic night. Picnic night was started about two years ago I would say. It was a Wednesday tradition, because I just do not feel like cooking on Wednesdays. I dislike Wednesdays. They feel like the longest day of the week to me. So I would come home and if it were cold I would make grilled cheese and tomato soup and if it were hot, it was veggie sandwiches of avocado, tomato, red onion and lettuce with balsamic and cut watermelon. All of these things were packed up like we were going on a picnic, put into a picnic basket that grammy bought (my mom) and we would arrive at the livingroom floor, where we spread out a blanket, sit on the floor and eat. Yes, I could have taken these outside during the summer months and sometimes we did, but for the most part, after a long day at work, the livingroom floor worked just fine. And Gavin loves it. Now, its not so much a Wednesday tradition as it is on request. Every couple of weeks or so, Gavin will say, "it should be a picnic night" and so it is. Tonight is grilled cheeses and tomato soup and for me green pea, because that is what the pregnancy craving calls for. I will most likely be able to get down on the floor, but maybe need some assistance getting up! And it will be simple and fun and I am looking forward to it. Maybe I will even serve soda-juice. We shall see.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Just waiting on the babies....
Again, I let too much time go by without updating. I am currently 7 months pregnant with the twins. They are boys. For a while we were told one was a boy and one was a girl, but eventually we got a good look and it was clear, there was a penis there. I was disappointed for one second that my daughter was gone and then I got over it. I love my boys! We are so excited. Their arrival is about 7 weeks away now. If they have not come on their own by March 30,2010, then they are being evicted that week. Nick and I have decided April 2, 2010 is a good birthday.
One of the babies will be born with a clubfoot. It happens a lot with boys and it happens a good deal with twins due to the cramped nature of the womb. At first I was pretty upset and worried that it was an indication of something wrong genetically or something more serious, but after having a fetal echocardiogram on both of the babies, we were told that because its unilateral and because their hearts and other organs all look normal, its most likely just the foot. I still pray daily that that is the case. No matter what, we already love these two munchkins so much it does not matter, but one always hopes and wishes for a healthy child.
The process to correct his foot is lengthy. Very soon after being born, he will have his first cast. The casts are changed every 5 days to a week and there are many casts in a row as long as the foot is responding to the treatment. Thereafter, we may have to have a tenonomy (where the tendon is cut) and the final cast which remains on for 3 weeks. Not terrible. The baby will then have a brace and special shoes that he will wear for 3-4 months about 23 hours a day. After that we ween him off the brace, but he will still have to wear it during naps and sleep until he is about 5. After that, you hope and pray that there is not relapse. I have learned so much about clubfoot lately that I will do a seperate post about that at another time.
I am really excited because this weekend is my baby shower!!! I did not really have a shower with Gavin. My mother-in-law threw me a party in St. Louis after Gavin was born and everyone gave us gifts for him. It was a shower of sorts. Gavin came so soon after we were married and so close to Christmas that it would have just been horribly greedy to have had a shower. And boy am I glad that I did not!!! I need another one of everything for these babies! We have gotten some things but do not have all that we need. Of course, we are expecting a blizzard on Saturday, so we shall see what happens! Either way, it will be a good time.
One of the babies will be born with a clubfoot. It happens a lot with boys and it happens a good deal with twins due to the cramped nature of the womb. At first I was pretty upset and worried that it was an indication of something wrong genetically or something more serious, but after having a fetal echocardiogram on both of the babies, we were told that because its unilateral and because their hearts and other organs all look normal, its most likely just the foot. I still pray daily that that is the case. No matter what, we already love these two munchkins so much it does not matter, but one always hopes and wishes for a healthy child.
The process to correct his foot is lengthy. Very soon after being born, he will have his first cast. The casts are changed every 5 days to a week and there are many casts in a row as long as the foot is responding to the treatment. Thereafter, we may have to have a tenonomy (where the tendon is cut) and the final cast which remains on for 3 weeks. Not terrible. The baby will then have a brace and special shoes that he will wear for 3-4 months about 23 hours a day. After that we ween him off the brace, but he will still have to wear it during naps and sleep until he is about 5. After that, you hope and pray that there is not relapse. I have learned so much about clubfoot lately that I will do a seperate post about that at another time.
I am really excited because this weekend is my baby shower!!! I did not really have a shower with Gavin. My mother-in-law threw me a party in St. Louis after Gavin was born and everyone gave us gifts for him. It was a shower of sorts. Gavin came so soon after we were married and so close to Christmas that it would have just been horribly greedy to have had a shower. And boy am I glad that I did not!!! I need another one of everything for these babies! We have gotten some things but do not have all that we need. Of course, we are expecting a blizzard on Saturday, so we shall see what happens! Either way, it will be a good time.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Been a long time... so many updates!
Its been so long!!! I realized that once Nick and I started trying again for another baby, I didn't want to talk about it with the world (if there is anyone reading out there). I was afraid it would take forever or I would have 20 posts about peeing on a stick to no avail. All of the sudden this journey felt private. But here we are again because WE ARE HAVING TWINS!!! We are 13 and 1/2 weeks along and we are so happy! We have been blessed with not just one baby but two. For me, it feels like God. I feel like I lost two and now I get two. I just keep my fingers crossed daily and pray a lot that all is going well in there and that we make it to the end. So far so good.
The last 13 and a half weeks have been eventful. Morning sickness reared its ugly head, but I am so thankful that its beginning to go away and as long as I eat every two hours or so, I feel ok. I have this belly so much sooner than I did with Gavin. I have to wear maternity pants already. With Gavin, I did not show until 5 months!
Gavin is so happy. We told him the great news after we had our first trimester screening a couple of weeks ago. He could not be more thrilled that he is getting two babies. He was so funny when we told him... he first wanted to me to lay down quietly and told me I should not be cooking soup. He then would tell me all the things they cannot do like watch Ben 10 or things that had vampires. He also told me that each of them should squeeze into his car seat in the car, one on each side, unless of course that would crush their bones. He wants a girl and a boy. We shall see. Maybe the doc will take a peek at Tuesdays appointment and let us know what she thinks!!!
I will keep you posted!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I am taking the train....
No more driving! I have worked in NYC for 6 years and for the first maybe 6 months, I took the subway everyday from our apartment in Yonkers. I would either drive down to the 1/9 train or take a cab every day. It was a pain in the ass. So was transferring to the 2/3 express at 96th Street with the hoards of crowds. I hated every single minute of it. Then I got pregnant with Gavin. My morning sickness was horrendous. I would have to go running off the subway to throw up in a trash can. So, I started to drive. I found a cheap garage- $200.00 per month and I was perfectly fine to drive. It took too long to get to work and back, but I did not care. I could deal with my morning sickness by myself while listening to music and not having anyone falling asleep on my shoulder. I got spoiled and I kept driving...until tomorrow. After 5 years of driving, I am starting to take the train. For the months of July and August, I will forgo the car altogether and walk every day from my home to the Metro North and catch the 4/5 at Grand Central. I will repeat on the way home. I am sure in the sweltering heat, I will hate it. But so far, June has not proven to be a heat wave. I need time to relax so I am hoping the combination of reading something pleasant, while listening to my ipod and having someone else at the wheel, will accomplish that. I will keep you updated on my travels.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Its finally over
All testing has been completed. Finally. I know it was only two months ago that we miscarried, but it feels like it was an eternity, waiting for all the testing to be complete. And who knew? We are completely normal. No clotting disorders, thyroid issues, biopsy came back fine and so did the HSG test. So... why then? I am happy that nothing is wrong, please do not get me wrong. I guess I just do not understand. If it was one time, then sure, I would get it. It happens. But twice is still unsettling. But the next step is to try, try again. So we will. When we tried the first time, we got pregnant in one month. When we tried the second time, it took a few months. The first month we tried with just guessing when I was ovulating and trying to get it right on the right days. The second month, I started using the clearblue easy monitor to tell me when the right days were since a friend had one and she offered it. The third month, I tried the Clearblue and temping and charting. Nuts, maybe. I am a control freak and I have no patience. Yes, even with God and mother nature. Temping and charting consists of taking your basal body temperature every morning at the same time (if you can, I learned I was not so good at that) to monitor the progesterone levels in your body. During a womans cycle, when the egg is released the ovaries make progesterone to aid in pregnancy. If you fertilize the egg, the ovaries continue to make progesterone until the placenta takes over at 12 weeks. If you do not fertilize the egg, the progesterone stops and your period comes. So during the time the ovaries are making progesterone, your body temperature is higher. If you take your basal body temp which is just a more sensitive thermometer and it measures more accurately. For example, it would say 98.66 rather than 98.6. So your temp is high during the time your body makes progesterone. It stays high if you are pregnant and just for fun, at times your body temp takes a dip when the egg implants so you chart all of your temps and you can basically tell if you are pregnant from this, prior to testing. It does work. I knew I was pregnant. If you enter all your temps into a website called fertility friend, it makes a cute chart for you, a graph and monitors your symptoms giving you percentages based on that data with respect to if you are pregnant or not. I know, it sounds crazy, but trying to get pregnant is far more difficult that you think. This time, at least for now, we are not going to do any of that. I am going to take a much more relaxed approach and just see if it happens. I am too tired to put all the effort in right now. But that could change, depending on how nature works.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Some test results and a recipe
Testing, testing, testing. We are almost done. Nick had his blood work and I have had a biopsy since my bloodwork. So far I have no clotting disorders and no genetic problems. Yay!!!!! Just waiting on the thyroid results, Nicks genetic results and the results of the biopsy. I have the HSG test in a couple of weeks and I am done! We wait for results and then we can figure out when its time to try again. I am looking forward to it. I am hopeful it will stick this time, although fully aware that it may not. It will be scary, but I am trying to make some positive life changes in the meantime and attempt to get my stress levels down. Nick and I are re-committing to being healthy. God, I wish I could just make a committment and stick with it already. My up and down, in and out, hate and love affair with getting healthy is very tiring!
So I will keep you all posted. (Who are you all I wonder... or is anyone even reading this ever???)
Anyway, I wanted to post a recipe. I love to cook so much that I wish I could do it for a living and lately I have been making a very simple, semi-homemade sauce that is great. So I wanted to share:
Penne Puttanesca
1/4 c capers (stored in salt if you can find, if not just use the ones in oil)
1 c of olives (I like kalamata, but can be any mix of greek, green and black olives)
1 small zucchini
1 large or 2 small garlic cloves
1/2 of one small white onion
handful of fresh basil
olive oil
1 jar of tomato sauce- I use Silvios Sunday Sauce - whatever you use make sure its thin and not too salty
Salt and Pepper
OPTIONAL: anchovy fillets and red pepper flakes
Penne (I use whole wheat and the sauce is strong so the pasta is very overpowered)
In a non-stick pan heat 2 T of olive oil. Add onions and garlic and fry until just starting to brown. Chop zucchini into thin disks and add to the oil mixture and sautee until soft. Add capers and olives and heat until warmed through. (If you are using anchovies, add now.) If you used capers in salt and kalamata olives- DO NOT ADD MORE SALT (until the end after you have tasted this). If you used capers in oil and regular black and green olives - salt at this time. Not too much salt, about 1/2 t- 1t depending on how much you like salt. Add jar of sauce. (If you are using red pepper flakes add now- 1/2 t) Mix thoroughly and allow to simmer on the stove for approximately 30 minutes. Just before tossing with the pasta, give the basil a rough chop and mix into sauce. Now toss with pasta and enjoy!
So I will keep you all posted. (Who are you all I wonder... or is anyone even reading this ever???)
Anyway, I wanted to post a recipe. I love to cook so much that I wish I could do it for a living and lately I have been making a very simple, semi-homemade sauce that is great. So I wanted to share:
Penne Puttanesca
1/4 c capers (stored in salt if you can find, if not just use the ones in oil)
1 c of olives (I like kalamata, but can be any mix of greek, green and black olives)
1 small zucchini
1 large or 2 small garlic cloves
1/2 of one small white onion
handful of fresh basil
olive oil
1 jar of tomato sauce- I use Silvios Sunday Sauce - whatever you use make sure its thin and not too salty
Salt and Pepper
OPTIONAL: anchovy fillets and red pepper flakes
Penne (I use whole wheat and the sauce is strong so the pasta is very overpowered)
In a non-stick pan heat 2 T of olive oil. Add onions and garlic and fry until just starting to brown. Chop zucchini into thin disks and add to the oil mixture and sautee until soft. Add capers and olives and heat until warmed through. (If you are using anchovies, add now.) If you used capers in salt and kalamata olives- DO NOT ADD MORE SALT (until the end after you have tasted this). If you used capers in oil and regular black and green olives - salt at this time. Not too much salt, about 1/2 t- 1t depending on how much you like salt. Add jar of sauce. (If you are using red pepper flakes add now- 1/2 t) Mix thoroughly and allow to simmer on the stove for approximately 30 minutes. Just before tossing with the pasta, give the basil a rough chop and mix into sauce. Now toss with pasta and enjoy!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Testing Day for Me
Finally, they took my blood. And maybe close to all of it. 17 viles of blood. I thought I was going to fall on the floor. The testing I am having is the Recurrent Missed Abortion Panel. You have this when you have more than one miscarriage. The first vile of blood was the genetic testing also called chromosome analysis or karyotype testing, which is done to make sure that I am not a carrier and that all my genes are in a row so to speak. This is the testing that Nick will have next week. Then I was sent to the lab for the rest of the testing. This lists includes many things, only some of which I remember, which is thyroid, lupus, STDs, proteins A and C, and the anti-coagulant testing to see if I have some sort of clotting disorder. I go back on June 8th to have a endometrial biopsy to see if I have the correct amount of progesterone and to rule out the possibility of a luteal phase defect, meaning that the egg does not implant correctly after ovulation. I am curious about the progesterone because with the first m/c, my progesterone was low, but this was told to me after the second u/s where they finally found a fetus and a heartbeat after the week before not being able to. I was upset because the doctor had my blood results for a week at that point and I should have been on progesterone the whole time. This last m/c, I was on progesterone from 3 weeks, 4 days pregnant. Some docs suggest that you go on progesterone from ovulation through your 12th week. The only issue I see with this is that sometimes if you are not pregnant, being on progesterone from day 14 of your cycle on, means your period will not come on time and you often have to stop the progesterone to get your period. For those of you who do not know, progesterone is only released after you ovulate. Its made by what is called the Corpus Luteum Cyst which is the sac that releases the egg. The cyst stays and releases progesterone if you are pregnant until your uterus takes over that job at 12 weeks. If you are not pregnant, the cyst goes and this happens again your next cycle. So, you need the progesterone to keep the pregnancy viable. Progesterone supplements are a touchy subject among pregnant women and doctors. Some people think that if you take progesterone, you will keep a pregnancy viable that should not be kept viable. But the truth of the matter is, that any pregnancy that is not supposed to be viable will not remain viable. Progesterone only helps keep the viable ones around. I am concerned with progesterone as well because this time my progesterone was 15. (The first m/c it was 9) They say anything over 20 in the first 4 weeks is where you want to be. You can top out around 40 in your second trimester and they do not really monitor it at that point. Just once in the beginning and if its above normal, that is it. My doctor was fine with 15 and many are. I would have liked it to be 20 or more. To me 15 was an indication of an issue. Anyway, after the endo biopsy, I will have the HS testing which stands for Hysterosalpingogram. This is a radiological exam where they insert dye into the uterine cavity and it flows through your fallopian tubes and into your abdominal cavity to make sure there are no blockages. I am not terribly worried about blockages since I get pregnant really easy. So, hopefully that will go fine. I would like to have all of this done and the results from everything by the beginning of July. We are cleared to try again after July's cycle and I would like to and I think Nick would too, given all this is complete. Wish us luck!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
"Single" Parenting...kind of
Nick has been gone since Sunday. Its been fine. I miss him a lot and so does Gavin, but really I can handle it. Its more work for sure, but I had prepared myself for that. Mostly, its just quiet. At night after Gavin goes down (in Nicks spot), I kind of wander around the house and attempt to get settled. I can't seem to fully relax though. I read a chapter of my book and then I get up and look for something to do... did I leave a random dish undone? I put the T.V. on and watch, but even then I think of something I should to do or "need" to do. I have painted my dresser, bought a used chair for the livingroom, cleaned it and gotten it situated with a throw blanket and decorative pillow (I know I am nuts, its a non-issue at this point). I have attempted to put up two new towel racks, but after much frustration, it seems as though I have given up after one. I would need to drill the bathroom tile to get the other up and I just think some things are better left done by Nick. I have cleaned, re-cleaned, and cleaned again. I think at this point, the moment the hair falls off of Lola, I have swept in and swiffered it up. I have done coffee, breakfast, lunch and dinner now for 5 days and I have handled garden watering, garbage duty (hey Nick, you know all those times you have asked me when did I ever take the garbage out during the last ten years???? I now have an answer for you) and recyclables. I have handled Gavin, who has proven to be quite easy. He has, with very little argument, brushed his teeth, gotten dressed, bathed and went to bed. So all in all, its been nice to know I can handle it. Its also nice to be reminded that I don't want to handle it by myself. I miss Nick. And not for the garbage duty, recyclables, lola, chopping, cutting, watering and towel holder installation. For his company, conversation, laughs, silliness, time spent with the three of us, his hugs, kisses, shoulder to lean on, listening, helping, making me feel safe at night, love, affection and him just being him. So I hope he does not go away again for ten days. Can't wait til he gets home.
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